you don't know what you got 'til it's gone.

It's funny how some things happen and make you think. Or maybe it's ironic. Do things really happen for a reason? I'm not so sure. All I know is that shit happens, and you learn from it.

Freshman year. I lived in Slusher Wing because of Hypatia. Part of me regrets this because I missed out on AJ, but man, I loved Slusher. I loved those pods. Because of Hypatia, I met the Galileo boys from our seminars and various activities we were required to do. Plus, they purposely tried to group us in the same classes together for study groups and stuff like that. Either way, you made friends and yeah, you had people to do work with, too. So I remember sitting in our god-awful Hypatia/Galileo combined seminar (complete joke), and I met the Galileo boys around me. I forget the one guys name, but I think I've seen him like once since. But I met Sean Logan there. You know, we facebooked, talked online. He was nice. I don't really remember much except for talking to him online. He always had the most interesting quotes/lyrics as his away messages, and I just loved them. I stole a few awhile back. He invited me to a party out in Windsor Hills with him and his friends, so I went. One of the first time really on a bus, first time at Windsor Hills, and one of my first college parties. I witnessed two girls, stripped down in the under-garments making out on a keg. Yeeeah. haha, it was like I was watching a movie or something. I had a few beers, but I was tired and wanted to leave. He left his friends and took the bus back with me, and ended up walking me back to my dorm. I could tell he liked me, and I'm pretty sure he asked me to hang out again sometime. Ugh. I was dumb and was interested in a d-bag. When this nice guy actually liked me. He ended up making me a cd of music he liked. I pretty much just turned him down... all because of this asshole. Whatever. We still talked a bit here and there. After freshman year I didn't really see any of the same people in the dorms anymore. I hung out with mainly band people instead of engineers. Then I started hanging out with Wes again this past semester and I started seeing Sean more. Wes used to hang around the same people Sean did, because he was on my floor. So I would see Sean at bars randomly, say hi... that sorta thing. It was never more, though.

I don't know the details but Sean apparently sustained a major head injury. The damage to his brain is too severe, and he's simply not going to make it. It's just weird. I thought of him everytime I went to Windsor Hills. He was always such a smart-ass, and I remember him making comments about my away messages. I don't know. I feel like it's just one of those cases where he never thought of me, but I'll forever think of him. And it should probably be that way. I was a bitch. Life is funny sometimes. And I know I can be better. I need to be better. If not for me, for Sean, whom I wish I had 4 years building a friendship instead of the months I gave him.

You live. You learn. Never again.

country roads take me home, to the place I belong...

So I'm home for the first time since January. And being down in Virginia for so long, there are some things I've realized...

• I have an unconditional love for pick-up trucks. Just driving home (most of the time I'm in WV, so there are plenty of them), my heart kind of swells a bit, because they remind me of Tech. I mean, it's not like I associate them with Tech like some people do, but there just aren't many of them where I live.
• Being able to buy alcohol in a grocery store is SO nice. I asked my mom if she's ever had a wine cube from Target, and she had to remind me of the fact that I'm back in PA where you have to go to a beer distributor for beer and a liquor store for wine and liquor. Plus it's expensive. Supposedly they do it because the state-employed employees get paid a ton to check people's IDs... I have never once been carded here. And neither have my friends, and I think they look younger than I do, haha. Oh well, I came home and my mom had a case of Miller Lite waiting for me. :)
• My hair curls more/easier in PA.
• And I am definitely allergic to something here. My allergies were pretty bad at school, but ugh, I'm dying here. It doesn't help that my mom doesn't use the AC unless it's like 90 degrees, so I sleep with my windows open.
• Being away from Pittsburgh, I think I've grown more fond of it. Definitely not the people necessarily. But there's things I want to do this summer - like go to the Point now that the fountain's not under construction, Arts Festival, Southside, Strip District, Pirates games... I just think that Pittsburgh in the summer is so fun.

But yeah, I've been home for a day and a half now. I'm bored. And my parents are judging me for watching Real Housewives. It's nice to be able to watch Penguins games on a nice big tv, though. I've decided I'm wearing a dress to the wedding... regardless of if they're in the Stanley Cup or not. They should be, seeing as how we only need 1 more win in this series to move on. Problem is, if they do move on, game 2 of the cup is the night of the wedding! Not cool.

you're on my heart, just like a tattoo.

I want a tattoo.
If I get one, I'm going to get it before I leave Blacksburg. I'm just so not creative enough to come up with ideas, though. But I think I want it on the side of my foot. Maybe saying hokies in pretty cursive writing or something. Or a lyric from tech triumph. hahaha, I should just get a Packer G right around my belly button so when/if I get pregnant it'll blow up. Oh gosh, that'd be gross.

I wanna hold time, say it'll never begin.

So we had our first softball game last night. I had to pitch after one girl on our team walked like 6 people in a row. I actually struck out a very big, tobacco-spitting, truck-driving Agriculture boy. I was proud of myself. Too bad I had no visitors to see it... I guess I'm not as special as other people. But whatever. I had a blast, and I didn't even care we were losing by so much. I was kind of bummed we had to stop playing.

I am determined to cross something off of my list every weekend. I don't care if I have to do it alone. It's looking like I'm going to have to, because people have boyfriends, and just seem to always have something going on. I'll just see Foamhenge, Cascades, and Safari Park by myself. I've decided I need to stop letting people hold me back. I'll be damned if I don't cross everything off of my list.

haha, I've gotta a date with a Dominos boy tonight, so I suppose I should get ready.

tearing at the seams

So it's my last semester of college, and I guess I'm kind of disappointed. I don't really feel I'm having as much fun as I thought I would. Granted my work load sucks a big one, but still. I just don't think I belong anywhere. I guess what it comes down to is I never really clicked with people as well as I thought I had. I don't see the people I used to see, but I'm seeing and talking to different people. It's getting to the point where I feel like I'm stuck in between, and if I just disappeared, or stopped showing up to things... no one would notice. Since I don't see or talk to the regular people anymore, things wouldn't really be different there, and the newer people wouldn't care enough to notice. It's just kind of... sad. And it's making me lonely. And for once, I just want to go home.

Life is good, the grass is green.

I hate studying.
I seriously have spent all day doing just about anything to avoid doing it. It's going to catch up with me tonight when I probably pull another all-nighter for my 2 exams tomorrow. I just can't bring myself to do it. I called my mom three times today. Three times. On the third call, she started to pick up on the fact that I was just calling to do something other than study. I did actually have stuff to tell her, but honestly, it really did just delay the studying.

I love the 'nets.
I love our parties and all of our pictures (oh my god, so many emails from facebook today, holy crap). We are just the cutest section, and I don't know, it makes me happy.

I love everyone so much I'm choosing to take a 20 hour bus ride instead of getting a free flight down to Ft. Lauderdale just so I can spend more time with everyone. I think it's worth it. It's my last trip, I want to make it as long as possible. I know I'm going to cry (win or lose, there will be tears, I'm sure). I've surprised myself with how emotional I've been over everything. Granted I cry during every movie I watch, but at the beginning of the semester I was just ready to get out of here. I mean, I still am to a certain degree, but it's gotten to the point where little things make me choke up a little bit, and I appreciate things more, and I tear-up unexpectedly. I started to tear-up when I was looking at the hotel we'll be staying at in Savannah! (pathetic, I know) But seriously, how lucky are we? We get this free trip, plus our hotels are always pretty nice, we get to spend time with amazing people, good football hopefully, they help us pay for our food... what's there really to complain about? Nothing. I think I'm just on an end-of-the-semester emotional wave or something, but yeah. We're lucky. I know I'm certainly lucky.

I just need a little love.

I am not an alcoholic.